


december wouldn’t be the same, without the warm soul of you

by sugdensrobert



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: A slight bit of angst, Happy Christmas everyone!, M/M, This is mostly a lot of fluff, but this christmas is a lot better you know because they are husbands, loads and loads of memories from last christmas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-27 03:38:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17154593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugdensrobert/pseuds/sugdensrobert
Summary: a little look into the christmas build up at the sugden-dingles, in which robert is hit with quite a few memories from last christmas, but he isn't alone anymore.





	december wouldn’t be the same, without the warm soul of you

**Author's Note:**

> happy christmas everyone! i wanted to get this finished today so i was in a bit of a rush i am sorry if there are any mistakes! i hope you enjoy it! xx

 

**_December 21st_ **

Robert closes his laptop, deciding that he’s finished with work for the year, the house is still quiet, Aaron out on his last scrap run off the year and Liv has gone out with Gabby doing the last bits of Christmas shopping. Most of his, well _their_ presents are already under the tree, including Seb’s gifts. The three of them had bought the little boy loads, most of it being cuddly toys and cute little outfits. Aaron had gone Christmas shopping for the day with Chas about two weeks ago and Robert remembers him showing off every little outfit he bought their son, _“he doesn’t only want to look like a mini you, you know!”_ and every time a light weighing package came to the door Aaron would know it was another cuddly toy for Seb chosen by Robert, _“Aaron feel how soft it is he’ll love it!”_

Robert had raised the question whether to actually put his gifts under the tree, seeing as he wasn’t actually here, and he wouldn’t be on Christmas day either.

_“He’s part of our family, I’d like to put his gifts under the tree, it makes him part of this too doesn’t it?, it doesn’t matter that he gets to open them later” Aaron had said, squeezing Robert’s arm, a sad smile on both of their faces._

_“You’re right, sorry, of course you are right.”_

_“Don’t be sorry, get wrapping you.” Aaron had grinned, gesturing to all the toys spread out on the table that was proving to be too small for this exact purpose._

Robert flicks on the kettle, very much hoping his husband will be home soon, he just wants to start celebrating the holidays properly. They both have been quite busy lately, and he genuinely misses spending all his time with his husband. No work (or in Robert’s case scheming) for a bit and just spending time with their little family. Sipping his tea he thinks of the last of their presents that still need wrapping, the _their_ still gets his heart fluttering, all of the labels on the presents to Liv, Seb, Chas, Paddy, Vic, Diane and everyone else they got a gift for, saying something like, _love from Aaron and Robert,_ or _Love from all of us._ It makes Robert almost high on love, the feeling of home, and belong somewhere, finally. His husband insisted on it when he had gotten Robert to wrap one of their first presents.

_“Why do I need to do the wrapping?”_

_“Not all of it, but this one is one of the big ones for my mum and you’re just better at wrapping aren’t you?”_

_Robert had laughed and gotten on with it, Aaron sitting close to him at the table, soft Christmas music coming from the speakers. He’d grabbed one of the labels, “do I need to do the writing as well then?” Aaron had nodded, grabbing the pen he hovered it above the label “uh what shall I put?”_

_“Merry Christmas, uh we’ll do some saying from all of us but we’ll do this one from the both of us, if that’s ok?”_

_“Huh?”_

_“So love from Aaron and Robert or the other way round I don’t care” Aaron had laughed shaking his head slightly at his confused looking husband._

_“Don’t you just want it to be from you though? I mean you’re her son I am-“_

_“My husband.” Aaron had said firmly “unless you don’t want your name on it that’s fine I just thought-“_

_No! no- I want to be on it I just didn’t think, well I don’t know-“_

_“That you should be on it.” Aaron finished for him and Robert nodded slightly._

_“We’re a team now aren’t we? Got a ring to prove it and everything.”_

_“Love you” Robert said, it was all he could say really, feeling slightly overwhelmed by something as small as a gift label but he was a soppy git most of the time and that was fine as long as Aaron was the only one who got to see it._

_“Love you too” Aaron replied and Robert felt him pressing a soft kiss to his cheek, Christmas was already looking loads better that the previous one._

He decides to wrap the remaining presents downstairs, they aren’t for Aaron or Liv so it doesn’t matter if they come through the door. There are only a few left to wrap for some of the Dingles, the both of them finally having decided what to actually buy for some of them, food and alcohol always seeming like the best idea.

He hasn’t put all of Aaron’s gifts underneath the tree yet, although the annual Christmas jumper is definitely already there. Aaron had warned Robert not to go to mad for his presents and Robert had tried, realistically knowing they should be saving up for the surrogacy but he couldn’t resist two, rather expensive, John Lewis jumpers that he knew would look amazing on his husband, then there’s also a soppy present, a soundwave print of _The Love We Stole,_ one of those presents Robert never thought he would ever buy, and one of those things that Robert knew Aaron would roll his eyes at but appreciate all the same, something heavy with meaning for them, that they could hang up without it being massively in your face for visitors. He also got him a little framed picture from their wedding day, a casual one that Chas had taken on her phone, neither of them realising the moment was being captured, just in their own little world in the pub before the speeches started. After the wedding things had been so hectic that they hadn’t gotten round to framing photos or putting them in an album so Robert thought he’d make a head start.

 

He’s sitting on the floor, struggling with the sellotape when there’s a crash and the sound of a mumbled curse at the front door. Robert looks up a warm smile already plastered on his face and seconds later Aaron comes in, still wearing his hi vis vest and cheeks red from the cold. It’s then that Robert realises his husband probably can’t see him, so he jumps up making his way over to a slightly confused looking Aaron.

“Hiya.”

“Hey- why were you on the floor?”

Robert laughed, and squeezed Aaron’s arms “I was wrapping the last of our presents, I’d finished work and was waiting for you anyway.”

“Oh I’ll give you a hand.”

“No honestly, its fine I’m nearly done now.”

“Anyways” Robert continued “happy holidays you.” He leaned forward and softly kissed his husband’s lips, feeling Aaron’s arms squeezing his waist lightly.

 “Yes it is.”

“You’re freezing” Robert says letting their noses touch slightly.

“hmm” Aaron mumbles still half melted into Robert’s hold.

“C’mon you” Robert goes to hold Aaron’s face in his hands, cheeks still icy cold, he drops a kiss to his nose and then rubs at his arms, trying to warm him up. “I’ll make you a brew ey, go sit down.” He takes his hand and leads his husband to the sofa before stepping over the wrapped and unwrapped presents still covering the floor.

“Rob?”

“Yeah?”

“Happy holidays to you too.”

“Thank you.” It all sounds a lot like I love you.

 

 

They were sitting curled up on the sofa, legs and shoulders touching, Aaron’s hands wrapped around his mug and _All I want for Christmas_ softly playing on the radio. The both of them just sitting quietly smiling at each other every now and then, it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, it never was with them. It was just the feeling of having some time of finally settling in, they had all the time in the world now, Robert dropped his head on Aaron’s shoulder sighing contently. He felt Aaron kissing him lightly on the forehead and he couldn’t help but smile, Aaron had become more and more affectionate now they were settled and _married_ but it still surprised Robert sometimes, but he would always welcome it.

“You’ve heard from Liv yet?” Aaron broke the silence.

“No, I haven’t, she’ll be home later though, I bet she has just been at a café somewhere with Gabby drinking hot chocolate rather than doing any Christmas shopping.”

“Probably” Aaron laughed.

“Right as much as I would love to stay like this forever, I better finish the wrapping, its all laid out now anyway.”

“No stay” Aaron murmured grabbing for Robert’s hand.

“No.” Robert grinned, trying very hard to not just let himself sag back into his husband’s body, “but you can, just have a rest hey, I’ll start tea after this.”

“No, I’m not letting you do all the work, you finished work today as well, we’ll just order a takeout ok?”

“Ok yeah- that’d be nice” he pecked Aaron on the lips quickly, his husband looking adorably sleepy now, “you’ll have a nap or something, I’ll just be over here.”

 

 

After a few more struggles with sellotype sticking to the wrong pieces of paper Robert finally started on the last present when he suddenly felt someone coming to sit behind him.

“Hiya” Aaron says squeezing his waist tightly and settling his legs either side of Robert’s and kissing his neck and clothed shoulder. “You okay?”

“Yeah and I am all done now so we can spend some time together, did you have a good sleep?”

He feels Aaron nod and kiss at his shoulder again “Yeah I did, thanks for the wrapping Rob, it looks good.”

“It’s nothing special.” Robert laughs.

“I love you.” Aaron says, holding Robert impossibly tighter.

“You’re unusually clingy today, not that I mind, I don’t at all- I love you too.” Robert says grabbing one of his husband’s hands and giving it a kiss.

“I’ve just been thinking a lot about this time last year- just so happy to have you here that’s all.”

“I know the feeling.” Robert says swallowing around the lump in his throat, he turned around so he was facing his husband, “I couldn’t be happier than I am now, with you here at Christmas, our first one as husbands hey.”

“You deserve it- _we_ deserve it. We finally got to have the Christmas build up here, together.” Aaron said looking around at the mill, decorations everywhere, cards full off best wishes, addressed to the both of them.

“Don’t know what I’d do without you.” Robert says, holding onto Aaron’s hands tightly.

“Good thing you never have to find out then.” Aaron replies squeezing his hands tightly. “But really, this December is already so much better than last year, and that’s because of you.”

Robert looked down, trying hard to swallow down the tears. “Same here, only because of you- last year I-I felt so alone and I know it was all my own fault but-“

“Don’t Rob.” Aaron stopped him, “you’re not alone anymore, never forget that.”

“I know.”

“C’mon” Aaron suddenly jumped up, holding out his hand for him to take. “We have a perfectly fine sofa to cuddle up on instead of a cold hard floor.” Robert laughs, shaking his head slightly.

“Can’t believe I just heard the word cuddle come out of your mouth.”

“Well it’s Christmas innit.”

“It is indeed.”

 

 

Robert was combing through Aaron’s hair, lost in thought, the younger man being in a constant state of dozing away or smiling sleepily at him and playing with his hands. Robert was kind of glad that last Christmas had also been on Aaron’s mind, that he hadn’t been alone in those thoughts. Not that he was surprised, December had been a hectic month not just work wise or preparation wise, also his mind had been full of thoughts on how different everything was compared to last year and he brought it up with Aaron a few times, he had to, his husband knowing him too well and not believing Robert’s “I’m fines” for a second.

 

**_December 8_ **

“Hi, I am home!” Aaron came through the door, holding loads of bags and Robert rushed from the table to take some of them.

“Don’t look in the bags though Robert” Aaron exclaimed.

“Can I have a look?” Liv asked from the sofa.

“No you’re not allowed either, but I can show you some of the bits that aren’t for either of you.”

“I am not wrapping anything though.” Liv replied.

“Lazy madam.” Robert laughed, she shrugged grabbing her laptop and moving up the stairs.

“So you don’t want to see then?”

“No I guess I’m going to start my own Christmas shopping” she said gesturing to her laptop.

“Don’t spend too much though Liv, most of this is from all of us.” Robert said.

“Don’t worry, you’re not getting anything anyway” she laughed sticking out her tongue at Robert.

Robert rolled his eyes and laughed, turning towards his husband again, “so what did you get then?”

“Most of the stuff is for Seb, clothes and toys- for him to open whenever he is here to celebrate with us.” He grabbed for something in the bag fishing it out to show Robert.

“It’s just cute isn’t it” Aaron was holding two little sheep with bells on them “and so soft, he’ll love it.” Robert gulped memories hitting him.

“Rob? Hey- you okay?”

When Robert looked up again, Aaron was sitting in front of him at the table a concerned look on his face, he touched his knee, squeezing lightly, bringing the older man back to reality.

“Yeah sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, what happened?”

Robert signed feeling absolutely ridiculous, hating how he could feel tears welling up in his eyes, hated even more how Aaron had spotted them and started looking even more panicked.

“Rob? Please, you can tell me. Did I do something wrong?”

“What- no, hell no. it’s just-“ Aaron still had his hand on his knee, waiting patiently for Robert to explain, kind eyes searching his face. He picked up one of the little toys “I- I bought Seb little sheep just like these last year, I didn’t really get to give them to him personally, I had them with me when- well when I got hit by that car.” When he looks up Aaron is looking at him, devastated, exactly what he didn’t want to happen. Aaron blows out a breath, “I-“ he starts,

“No- it’s fine it’s just well- it reminded me of last year, I am fine honestly. These little guys will be handed to Seb in much better shape this year” he laughed, slightly high pitched, but still real.

Aaron grabbed Robert’s hand “Rob look at me.”

“Hm?”

“It won’t be handed over to him this year, he will open it here with us whenever ok?”

“Sorry of course.”

“Stop apologizing, I really didn’t mean to upset you.”

“You haven’t- none of this is your fault.”

“It isn’t yours either.” Aaron replied not even sure what he was referring to, he just hated that Christmas last year happened the way it did, Robert would always be left with those memories and he couldn’t do anything about it. He knew things were better now, but he also knew how lonely Robert had felt, and he didn’t even have Seb with him, couldn’t even give his son his presents for his first Christmas. They hadn’t talked about that Christmas that much, he knew about the dream, Robert sometimes still having familiar nightmares. Aaron didn’t like thinking about any of it if he was honest, he knew he had his reasons that day, and so did Robert, when he told him he would let him go but it didn’t make it less painful remembering how he had told Robert he just couldn’t be with him, not ever, _“at least not with you.”_ Robert had always stayed quite vague about it, indicating that he went through so much that day, and it still worried Aaron, he just knew he had to keep an eye on his husband, to make sure he wasn’t drowning in the bad memories.

“God I ruined all of this haven’t I- he’ll love it Aaron, what else did you get?” Aaron would always be in awe of Robert’s strength, even when he wished he would just stop trying to be strong sometimes.

“Come here” Aaron fell forwards and gathered his husband in his arms, Robert melting into him willingly, “I love you- it’s okay- it’s okay to feel sad about last year and Seb and everything-. I wish I could do something.” Aaron whispered rubbing his husband’s back slowly.

“You do- I mean last year you weren’t here but now you are, you make everything better.” Robert said echoing Aaron’s words from his wedding speech. Aaron smiled sadly, squeezing Robert tighter, “you can talk to me about it whenever you want- about anything really.” Aaron said, he needed Robert to know so badly, didn’t want him to keep anything bottled up.

“I know- I promise, I love you.”

“I love you too.”

 

 

 

It didn’t really come as a surprise to Aaron when he woke up to his husband sitting upright in bed.

“Robert?- Hey you’re fine.” It was dark but he could make out that his husband was trembling and Aaron felt his heart breaking.

“Aaron?”

“Yeah, I am here- can I- touch you?”

Aaron felt fear welling up inside him, Robert had had countless nightmares before and afterwards he always only had good things to say about how Aaron had calmed him down, but it didn’t make the younger man less scared of doing something wrong.

He could make out Robert’s nod and he lightly touched his arm, squeezing gently, letting him know he wasn’t alone. Robert started wiping the tears from his face and his breathing was shaky.

“I am okay.”

Aaron didn’t bother telling him he was lying, “Rob, do you want a light on?”

Another nod- Aaron put his bedside lamp on, the room slowly becoming visible, Aaron knew it was important for Robert to be able to see where he was, and believe it. He slowly reached out to touch Robert’s face wiping the remaining tears away, Robert turned towards him, cheeks blotchy and eyes red.

“I am sorry- I don’t know what happened.” He croaked, “did I kick you awake?”

“Please don’t be sorry- I don’t know, I am glad I am though.” He continued stroking his husband’s cheek, feeling himself growing calmer as he could see Robert was coming back to reality.

Robert moved to lay down again, head half on Aaron’s pillow and Aaron followed him, foreheads touching. “Think it was all the talk today” Robert whispered, “it was happening again, I can’t explain it- all I know is I was hurting everyone again, and I didn’t have you to come home to- I was alone- it was awful.” A few tears had fallen down his face again and Aaron reached out to wipe them away, as much as this broke his heart he was so glad that Robert was telling him about his nightmare, something he didn’t always do.

“You’re not alone, I am here yeah?” It pained Aaron how scared Robert still was of being alone, that he still sometimes thought he’d wake up and be on his own. Robert’s _I lost my husband, my best friend, my home_ still haunted him frequently, the fact he was protecting himself by not getting back with Aaron at first because that feeling of loss had been so awful for him- it made Aaron want to hold Robert and never let go.

“I know.” Robert nodded, and Aaron stroked his hair out of his face, just needing to touch him somehow.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. My best friend and my husband” Robert smiled, the sight lifting Aaron up immediately. “I am lucky to have you as both now” Robert continued, “remember how we said we’d be best friends at Christmas last year?”

“Of course I remember” Aaron said leaning to kiss at his husband’s forehead, scared that this would bring up bad memories again but Robert was still smiling sleepily.

“I still have that, but also a husband, so I am not alone.”

“Never” Aaron replied, he moved to turn off the light and pulled Robert to his chest, dropping kisses to his head, and rubbing his back, waiting patiently for his husband to fall asleep again while feeling safe and sound in his own home.

 

 

**_December 9_ **

He had just grabbed the last three boxes of mince pies left on the shelf when he felt the quick touch of a hand on his back.

“Hiya.”

“Vic! No need to give me a heart attack.”

“Sorry- uh I was just wondering how you were, and Robert I know he’s busy I haven’t seen any of you in ages.”

“Yeah uh- I am not sure if you’re still angry with me, and Rob isn’t sure either, I’ll get him to come have a catch up with you- sorry it’s all been pretty hectic.” He rambled on, still feeling slightly awkward in Victoria’s presence.

“No it’s fine I’ll get Rob to make some time for me soon” she grinned, “anyways I see you’re getting into the festive spirit” she gestured to the mince pies, “it will be very different this year for the both of you compared to last year ey.”

Aaron faked a smile, the subject still weighing slightly heavy on him, on them, especially after last night. Robert seemed fine this morning, but Aaron couldn’t help but still worry about him.

“You could say that yeah.”

“What do you mean?” Vic frowned, and Aaron cursed himself for forgetting that Victoria was a sharp one and could see straight though him, and Robert for that matter.

“it’s just- well you know his accident last year and everything else, he sometimes still has nightmares, I think it’s on his mind a lot now, what with Christmas being around the corner again.”

Aaron watches her face drop and hates himself, he’s also pretty sure that Robert wouldn’t want his sister to know about his nightmares.

“Vic I shouldn’t be telling you this, - it should have come from him, I am sorry- I’ve got to go.”

“No wait, come sit here for a sec.” He follows her to the chairs next to the counter at David’s and waits her out. “You know, he was such a mess after he’d woken up, so upset with himself, determined to change, he said he was a blight on the lives of everyone he met.” Aaron feels his heart sink, his throat clamming up at her words. “He’d said stuff like that before, you know that he’d change, you will have heard it countless times before.” She continues “it was just different like he really meant it, and I guess he did, he’s different now and so much happier. Aaron felt himself nodding along, not sure if he could manage speaking, “I don’t know why I am telling you this, I just- well it’s in the past, but I guess I am asking you to keep an eye on him, which I know you do anyway, it’s just- it was a horrible time for him, and for you as well and oh I don’t know, I just want him happy you know?” When Aaron’s sure she has finished her ramblings he touches her hand “Vic I know- you’re an amazing sister you know? You really are.”

“Thank you.” She smiles, cheeks colouring slightly, Aaron sighs, “I know last year was horrible, and I am keeping a close eye on him. Thank you for telling me this, he’ll hate that I know but thank you, I’ll take care of him.”

“I know you will, you’re good for him Aaron.” Aaron gulps reaches again to squeeze her hand. “I’ll go and pay for these then hey, Rob’s waiting for me.”

 

 

He finds his husband curled up on one side of the sofa, book in his lap. “Hey, you were gone long?”

“Hi.” Aaron quickly kisses his cheek and drops down next to him, “yeah bumped into Vic.”

“She alright?”

“Yep, misses you though.”

Robert looks down “yeah I miss her too, maybe I’ll go round later? I was scared thinking she is still angry at me for interfering with that lad but I do miss her-“

Aaron nods encouragingly “she definitely wants to see you.” Not entirely sure how to approach it, he continues “she also told me something.”

“Right?” Robert looks at him questioningly, Aaron goes to grab his hand, knows he’s worrying Robert so he just starts speaking, “she asked how you were and we talked about Christmas and I didn’t mean to but I told her about how you still struggle with the memories sometimes and she told me how upset you were when you woke up.” He’s surprised to find that his husband is still staring at him, seeming calm and not mad at him for telling his little sister private stuff like that.

“You knew about that though didn’t you? That I was out of it?” Their hands are still intertwined and he’s looking at Aaron patiently.

“You told her you were a blight on the lives of everyone you met.” It comes out sounding more bluntly than Aaron had wanted it to and he sees Robert’s eyes widening, he opens his mouth- shuts it again before he can gather his thoughts. “It’s what I dreamt, well- I did think it as well but-“

“It not true, not at all.” Aaron cuts him off.

Robert nods, he’s looking slightly bewildered and Aaron feels bad for bringing it up like that, he just needed to make sure Robert didn’t still think this.

“I know- well, I know it can’t be true. I am better now Aaron I promise. It was just a very low point.”

“Good.” Aaron said squeezing at Robert’s hand, “I know that dream got you to have a different outlook and all- but you only hurting people that’s not true ok and it never was.”

Robert nodded, “I know, please believe me.”

“I do- but I just needed to make sure that you were alright didn’t I.”

“I am” Robert smiled softly.

“Oh-“ the older man continues after a few seconds of letting the silence carry on “we got loads of cards- wanted to wait for you to open them.”

“Soft.”

 

Aaron laughed putting the cards next to the lit up gingerbread man – something Liv had insisted on buying, it was kind of tacky but it did fit in with the rest of the lights in the kitchen. “it’s looking a lot like Christmas now isn’t it, Liv will be happy.”

“I love it too- because I get to be here.” Robert says and his husband is next to him within seconds, kissing his head, “yeah you are, and I love you.”

“Love you too.”

 

 

**_December 1st_ **

Robert is making Aaron another tea when there is a crash at the top of the landing.

“It’s the first of December” Liv says, appearing with a big smile on her face.

“So?” Robert says and Liv rolls her eyes “well it is Saturday so we have the whole day to put the decorations up!”

Robert looks at Aaron, who shrugs “could be good.”

Liv continues “can we also go to that Christmas market in Hotton, it opens today.”

Robert blows out a breath, he doesn’t know whether it is because he has just woken up but it all seems like a massive task. Aaron laughs at him, “Robert definitely fancies it.” He says.

“When did you become such an excitable person anyway?” Robert asks Liv, he’s used to her being like Aaron, grumpy and silently enjoying stuff.

“It’s Christmas innit.” She replies, “so?”

“Yeah go on then.” Robert says, he looks over at his husband “you’re coming too aren’t you?”

“Yeah course I am, wouldn’t miss it for the world.” And Robert rolls his eyes.

 

It’s when Liv’s gone back upstairs to get ready that Robert decides to ask. “So, what kind of Christmas decorations have you got-“ he wants to say more but doesn’t know what exactly and he sees his husband frown at first and then he seems to realise.

“We- what decorations have _we_ got.” He corrects Robert first, because it’s what he does know, never lets Robert exclude himself.

“Liv got a few decs last year” he continues, “and mum got me some bits” he shrugs “I wasn’t really in the mood.”

Robert nods, squeezes Aaron’s hand and smiles to let him know he isn’t sad, because he isn’t. “Well, we finally get to have our first proper Christmas as husbands, together, so how about we buy some decorations today hey? All of us- we can finally build up a proper collection.”

“I’d love that.”

 

 

The warmth of the Mill is a very much appreciated welcome when Robert closes the door behind them, Liv moves to go upstairs straight away, all of her shopping bags need unpacking. “Liv you want to come down later for some more hot chocolate.” Robert says.

Liv nods smiling brightly- “yeah I’ll be back in a bit.”

Robert smiles in reply and when Liv’s disappeared, Aaron goes to stand in front of him and before he can say anything his husband is kissing him- cold faces touching but Robert melts into him.

“Did you have a good day?” Aaron asks.

“I did.”

“Good.” Aaron nods.

 

It had been a good day, filled with Christmas music, hot chocolate and quite a bit pushing and shoving but that didn’t really matter. It had also been a day of memories. Aaron caught Robert looking at everything with thoughtfulness, his husband looking beautiful, lights shining on his face, cheeks red, hair wild.

“You okay?” Aaron had asked, “you seem in your own world?”

“It’s just- I can’t believe I am here, I get to have Christmas with you and everything that comes with it. Last year- presents, lights it all just didn’t matter to me and know it does because I am with you, I get to look at it all with you-  sorry I didn’t mean to make you sad.”

“I am not.” Aaron said, sniffing “I am just so happy you get to enjoy it again- I can’t believe it either sometimes you know.” He touched Robert’s face, both of them smiling. He then takes his husband’s hand and leads them back to where Liv is, the girl probably staying away deliberately knowing that the two of them were having another soppy moment.

“C’mon you- I think Liv wants us to fork out for another shiny Santa.”

 

****

**_December 25_ _th_**

He wakes up to the feeling of someone (his husband) squeezing his hand over and over again. It’s cold and he feels like it must be early but he forces himself to open his eyes and he’s met with his husband’s face close to his, glassy eyes and everything. He’s properly awake in seconds.

“Aaron?”

“Merry Christmas Rob.” He whispers, his cold hand now touching his face.

“Merry Christmas you,” Robert says voice breaking ever so slightly he reaches to touch Aaron’s hand on his face.

“Come here” Aaron says firmly, tucking Robert’s face into the crook of his neck. “It’s still early” he continues, there’s a big sigh and then “last year, I thought you were dying- and now you’re here, and I just want to appreciate it for a bit ok?” Robert nods, well tries to in his position, he kisses at his husband’s neck and Robert feels so content, there’s still loads to do, cooking, presents and visiting the Dingles later, he also wants to call Vic and Diane and even Doug, because last year when everything was dark- they were still there for him and Robert loves them, cares for them and he wants them to know. But he isn’t stressing about that yet, right now he is safe in his husband’s arms, the bad memories from last Christmas already fading away and making room for new ones, like this one.

 

 

And there’s more to come even though Robert doesn’t know it yet. He doesn’t know that Aaron will get dressed in the Santa hoodie he got him last year, only to replace it immediately by the new one Robert’s bought. He doesn’t know that Aaron’s gotten them a weekend away in London, a weekend just for them where Robert can show his husband some of the places that used to something to him, only if he wants to Aaron will insist, worry already evident on his face, but Robert will want to, wants to share it all.

He also doesn’t know that Aaron will bring him a very special present- one that will bring everyone even more joy. He doesn’t know that he will get to spend Seb’s second Christmas with him, gets to help him open his presents, because Aaron is amazing and knows how upset Robert really was about not having him here, he also knows how to persuade Rebecca and Ross and Robert loves him so, so much.

 

_This is the first of many many more good Christmases, good Decembers and Robert is so in awe that he gets to have this, but for now a few more hours of sleep laying like this seems like a very good start._

 


End file.
